run then fall

"If I could just write the words down," I thought to myself. Writing: the cure all.

NOT SO MUCH, not today.

Do you ever have those days where you want to write everything down....every little thought, feeling, daydream or occurrence? Today was one of those days. Everything was in slow motion. I felt like Alice, chasing the rabbit, except it wasn't a rabbit at all; it was me. I'm trying to catch myself, running as fast as I can, but it's all in slow-mo. I know that may not make sense, but when I close my eyes and visualize that, it's way too clear. It's almost as frustrating as the falling dream.

And suddenly....the words come.

I'm the queen of losing people lately. It's been a curse since November; one that I can't seem to shake. I must be wearing a repellent that works like no other, because I can't hang on to anyone. I'm selfish and inconsiderate. I'm all about myself. I'm in desperate need of fixing. The slow-mo thing....totally predictable too. It's like I can see it all happening just seconds before the glass shatters into thousands of minuscule pieces on the floor; a number so large that reconstruction doesn't seem possible.

It's all such a blur behind these watery eyes I have. RIDICULOUS.

I'm such a Debbie Downer today, I realize.
But today, Debbie is sweeter than TiffanyJo.

I miss him.
I miss her.
And her.
And him....mostly him.

sicksadlittleworld

I can't get a grip on anything today. Everything I know is being swirled around,mismatched,broken down, taken apart and leaving me like dust in the wind. It's ripping my head and heart to shreds. Either way I turn, there's a daggar waiting for me.

Which way are you supposed to go when each direction is incorrect? When you fight nothing but losing battles? When not one single word you can say will make it better?

No, You're not the first to fall apart

But always the first one to complain

You better get careful or you'll compromise everything You are

The world is a drought when out of love

Please come back to us

You're all of the above

I'm making a choice to be out of touch

Leave me be he said

Leave me here in my stark raving sick sad little world

I've never had unpaid confidantes

It's more than I would care to explain

But I have an open door policy when it comes to blame

The world is a joke when out of love

Please come back to us

You're all of the aboveI

'm making a choice to be out of touch

Leave me be he said

Leave me here in my stark raving sick sad little world.

justbreathe

Yes, I understand that every life must end, aw-huh,..
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw-huh,..
Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands
the ones I love,..

Some folks just have one,
yeah, others, they've got none, huh-uh

Stay with me,..
Let's just breathe.

Practiced are my sins,
never gonna let me win, aw-huh,..
Under everything, just another human being, aw-huh,..
Yeh, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world
to make me bleed.

Stay with me,..
You're all I see.

I wonder everyday
as I look upon your face, aw-huh,..
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take, aw huh,..
Nothing you would take
Everything you gave...

Did I say that I need you?
Oh, did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see,..
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean, ah-ah...

Nothing you would take,..
Everything you gave.
Hold me till I die,..
Meet you on the other side.

I love Pearl Jam, especially tonight.
Tonight:
I miss him more than I have in days.
I have no control over the mindf**k my mind has become over the last week.
I'm gathering the courage to starting writing again; really writing.
I'm annoyed at the mosquito hawks in my room.
I'm preparing to set the world on fire.
I feel better about my life and the path I'm making.

musicmusicmusicmusic in my brain.
lovelovelovelovelovelove the rain.

One.

Day One...

You'll have to give me a minute to get this thing figured out. In the mean time....

My eye is always drawn to the color orange first. I like to text more than I like to talk on the phone. I enjoy doing things I'm not good at...I learn more that way. In retro-spect, I'm really only about 7 years old, and I think that's okay. I have an endless supply of umbrellas and socks; the umbrellas I either lose or break, and the socks...well, those never ever match. I drop stuff ALL the time. I HATE refridgerated ketchup. I enjoy non-profit work, especially non-profit organizations that benefit children. I move my life around...ALOT. I have the best friends in the whole wide world.....the PRETTIEST friends ever. I'm obsessed and possessed with/ by music. I really really really really LOVE cupcakes; eating, baking and decorating them, especially giving them away. I like wearing flowers in my hair. One day after months of training, I will have a body like one of The Pussycat Dolls.I have read atleast 5 different biographies on Jim Morrison, and I plan to read them all, however many that may be.If you win my love, you've climbed the tallest mountain. I love Shakespeare, and I fully grasp what kind of geek that makes me and I am okay with it! As vain as it may sound, I have great hair; it's the one feature that I am totally satisfied with. I love vintage twists on current fashion. I hate Valentines Day, but I LOVE getting flowers on any other day of the year. I like wearing boots; boots of any kind!Theatre and music mean more to me than anything, so don't you dare try to compete with that. Halloween and Mardi Gras are my two favorite holidays. I am true-blue, the most loyal of friends. I am ALWAYS in hot pursuit of sublime happiness.




One day, I will find someone who loves music as much as I do..... I can't wait.
















I'm going to travel the world with my best friend, Alexz.
You get to watch.

Get excited.